The virginal dilemma

I've been doing a lot of thinking, lately, about the parable of the 10 virgins contrasted with the parable of the Good Samaritan. I do not purport to be any expert. This is just some of my crazy thought pattern...

On the one hand, you have the good samaritan: http://lds.org/scriptures/nt/luke/10.30-37?lang=eng#32

In this, the man is injured, and passed over by a priest and a Levite. Now, of course, these guys should have known better. However, i'm not worried about that right now. It's the Samaritan. Samaritans and Jews weren't the best of friends, but compassion compels this Samaritan to act. He saw a man in need and came to his aid. Bygones were set aside for awhile. His own bias or history or stereotype of the Jews didn't impede him from doing his duty as a human being.

So, from there we go to the 10 Virgins: http://lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/25.1-12?lang=eng#7

In this parable there are 10 virgins. Half bring enough oil to make it to the party. Half do not. When the ones who lack ask those with enough to share, they are denied. They are late in returning, and miss out on the party.

So, what's the deal here?

I am a pretty shallow person most of the time. I often look at the outward appearance and make judgments. This is how i saw this originally:
The Samaritan is the good guy. He has charity, and shows it by helping this beat up Jew. The virgins with the oil have no charity. They deny the other virgins the opportunity to get to the party. I wish i could be more like the Samaritan.

However, one thing kept bothering me: Jesus is compared to the Bridegroom, so why were these uncharitable virgins allowed to enter the party if they were so mean and selfish?

I was mulling this over for awhile, talking through it with my wife. It didn't make a lot of sense in some ways, but made some sense in others. Then, i asked a good friend of mine (who I will allow to go nameless for now, but you know who you are) about it. She said, simply: "it's because they knew they needed to bring oil, but didn't". Wow. Simple answer, but yet endlessly deep.

The Good Samaritan showed charity. However, the charity he showed is, in many respects, the easy kind of charity. This doesn't take away at all from what he did. It was a tremendous service that saved the man's life. However, all he had to do was carry the dude to the city, pay some money, and be on his way.

What is this similar to? In my mind, it's similar to handing out food or doing physical service. it requires our money and/or time. (Once again, i'm not disparaging any of this. All charity is good in its own way).

Now, let's look back and the Virgins.

There were some virgins who did not bring oil. they could not get into the party without it. It was easy, for me, to focus on the ones who DID bring it and think they were being mean or selfish or whatever. The fact of the matter remains, though, that these others didn't bring enough. All of them were invited to the party. All of them, presumably, knew that the party was at night and that they would need sufficient oil to get there (or to participate in the custom or whatever).

The ones that didn't bring enough CHOSE to leave their houses without that oil. They didn't plan. Most likely they could've called on a friend and borrowed some, or bought more, or whatever. They chose not to. Maybe they thought that someone else would bring sufficient for themselves and others? As the ones with the oil said, though, they couldn't give to those without because they would risk not having enough for themselves.

Basically, the ones with the oil are saying "You can't expect us to have our cake and eat it too".

How many times have i been in a position to help someone become autonomous in some way, and have failed because i've focused on the physical aspect of charity? many times.

I often am so caught up in fixing situations that i forget how it is i came to know how to fix them in the first place.

This is applicable, to me, where my children are concerned.

I don't have much time with them as kids. I have about 15-20 years to try to shape, to some extent, who they will become for the rest of their lives. This time is precious.

When my kids want something, i want to give it to them. I want to dress all their wounds. I want to calm all their fears. I want to make their lives a rainbow milkshake with butterfly kisses and smile sandwiches.

However, this world sucks. There is a lot of junk happening everywhere. If i just continually tell them how awesome they are, finish their homework for them when they can't, buy them everything they need AND want, i am doing them no service.

Eventually, they will have to learn to suffer. Eventually they will have to learn to go without. Eventually they need to learn to lose. Eventually they need to learn that life can be a real bummer. Eventually they need to learn that all of this is OK, and that they can do better next time.

I'll bet the virgins who forgot the oil will NEVER EVER forget oil to another wedding feast ever again....